These days it seems incredibly easy for others to get offended by something we say or do. Of course, we should try our best not to be offensive, and most of us work hard not to offend others. This is good because Jesus taught us:
“… “It is impossible except that offenses will come. But woe to him through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he was thrown into the sea, than to offend one of these little ones. Luke 17:1-2 MEV
Jesus is so upset with offense that He curses the offenders, especially those who offend the young and innocent. “Woe to him!…” It is so bad to offend a little one, he says, that it would be better to be drowned than to get what Jesus will give you in response. I don’t even want to think about what that means!
We can see here that Jesus is dead serious about dealing with those who offend others. With that in mind perhaps we should all take a closer look at our attitudes toward offending other people.
On the other hand those who are offended need to be careful too. We shouldn’t get too happy at the thought that our offenders will end up “getting theirs”.
Good people don’t rejoice when their enemies are paid back. The proverb says:
“Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the LORD see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him.” Proverbs 24:17-18 ESV
The Bible also warns us against taking justice into our own hands. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Roman Christians:
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19 ESV
Instead, if someone strikes us on one cheek we should let him strike the other. See Matthew 5:39.
So then what should we do when someone offends us? Right after Jesus tells us about the consequences that will come to an offender, He says this:
Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”” Luke 17:13-4 NKJV
If your brother sins, rebuke him!? Most of us would rather die! Confronting somebody over their sin is risky business. They might not only reject us but they might accuse us of judging them. Genesis 19:9; Matthew 7:1.
What’s more, any of these negative responses would only deepen the hurt we already feel from the original offense.
I think, however, the question that we should be asking is not what happens to me if the offender blows me off, but what happens to the offender if he or she hears my rebuke and repents.
Several good things happen in that case. First, we would have won over our brother and made peace. That’s real reconciliation resulting in the restoration of our relationship with the offender. See 2 Corinthians 5:10, Matthew 18:18-19.
Second, we would have saved the offender from spiritual death and covered over a multitude of sins. James 5:19-20.
Finally, we are contributing to the unity that Jesus wants us all as His family to enjoy. John 17.
In other words, Jesus wants us to love the offending person… even if that person isn’t loving us. As Jesus says:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’’But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” Matthew 5:43-44
Jesus is right and we can’t deny it. To say we deny it would be hypocritical, because we all want to be loved and forgiven in spite of what we do wrong. Is it right for us to want mercy when we offend others, and not to give mercy when others offend us? See Matthew 18:23-35.
We are therefore called to not only rebuke the brother or sister who offends us, we are to do it nicely. We should not seek to confront just to prove our point or to justify ourselves. Rather, we should confront them in a spirit of humility and gentleness:
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1 ESV
When you are offended, keep in mind the horrible consequences that await your offender (worse than drowning). If there is any compassion in our hearts we should reach out to the offender to help them understand and turn from the error of their ways.
If we decide, however, that we are not going to confront the offending person, we may be temporarily protecting ourselves, but we will be depriving the offender of a chance to get right with God and with us.
An intentional failure to help the offender would be a selfish, sinful omission.
So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. James 4:17 ESV.
When we decide that someone is not worth confronting over their sin against us, we are actually judging them as unworthy. We don’t know what’s in their heart, only God knows. See Matthew 7:1-5, 1 Corinthians 2:11.
It’s ironic that we might be wrongly accused of being judgmental if we rebuke the offender but we could in fact be guilty of judgment if we don’t.
Nobody said that this would be easy. Jesus said:
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. Matthew 7:13-14 ESV.
The good news is that although it is not natural or easy for us to rebuke others, we are not natural beings. God has poured His supernatural power into us by which we can do all things. Philippians 4:13.
We can find the grace to overcome our fears and doubts. We can be courageous and do the right thing because Jesus is with us. This is no doubt why the apostles responded to Jesus’ command like this:
The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. Luke 17:5-6 ESV
If Jesus can raise the dead He can help you do the right thing. May the Lord give us all the faith and boldness to do what is right.